drinkin beers

well, it's a night off.  A night off by our standards.  Some of us enjoy drinking beers and working.  I still remember that fateful night with Jerry.  He said, 'all i need is a booger and beer.'  Now that's what he said all right.

pbr pabst blue ribbon

 That's a stand up chap.  A real dude.  Un hombre verdad.  Homeboy was responsible for %90 of the signage in Las Vegas back in the day.  That was before the corporations took over and even then, he had a hand in a lot of pots.  He had gotten his workers in at Yesco and some of the others and was well aware of the legalities and requirements.  That old carper was one of the most amazing people I've ever had the privilege to work with.

Gave 'im a call, I did.  Know what he said?  He said, "Hey Paul." Cuz that's my name.  He said, "Hey Paul, how are you doin?"  Which ain't a lot to most folks, but he was a different sort.  He said, "I used to live next door to Red Foxx."  Apparently, they were having a BBQ and someone drove a Chevy through Red Foxx's fence.  Too bad about that.

What a fellow though.  Have you ever shaken someone's hand and known?  Just known?  Well, don't tell me about it.  I shook the hand of someone that shook the hand of BB King.  I shook the hand of someone that shook the hand of Jack Dempsey.  I shook the hand of a fellow who knew what calculus was all about.  I mean, I know a little bit about the calculus, but that guy...  He's dead now.

Fortuitous decertification

Those of us that don't know, just have to estimate.  Well, I figure, hmmmm, 10,000 people, probably eat about 12,000 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches if that is what is available.  I'm guessing, if there's balogne sandwiches available also, then maybe 60/50, you get about 6,000 peanut butter and 5,000 balogne depending on the jelly.

You're looking at about 50 gallons of peanut butter, 1,100 loaves of bread, 45 gallons of jelly, way too much processed meat product, 500 packets of mayo, mustard and maybe half as much ketchup and relish.  people are strange that way.

manatee

Then you gotta talk about processing time.  You can't just hand people two slices of bread and some meat.  You need at least three people working for 4 hours if they're real competent.  Just placing the meat between the slices of bread.

For the PB and J's, you'll need either packets and plastic knives, or 5 people working for 4 hours and some kind of peanut butter distribution system.  You could use pastry bags, but it might take some engineering.  The other possibility is to purchase premade manufactured sandwiches.  Costs a little more, but hey, it's easier than paying unemployment insurance.  Machines do a better job and they don't break a finger on purpose just so they can sit around and watch the Flinstones and get paid.

novus ordo seclorum

Once it's all over, if you're budget is around 3 dollars per person, which means you're charging 5 at a minimum, then you can provide a box of juice, a sandwich and a choice of apple orange or banana, depending on the local logistics.  Plastic baggies, paper sacks and hair nets for the workers are mandatory.

If Jesus Christ were trying to feed the masses today, you can forget about miracles, you need at least 33k per 10k folks.  Then you gotta think about tables, cooling apparatus, napkins, and insurance.

assembly encryption

Are you serious about loaves and fishes?  You can't feed fish to the masses.  For one, you're talking about a seriously perishable item.  You can't keep hot food at room temp.  You need heating and cooling.  Sanitation during serving, which means dish washing, stainless steel serving utensils, and some kind of sneeze guard.  Are you trying to feed the masses or make sure they all have the same diseases so Jesus can cure them with a little white pill?

Anyway, you can forget about fresh baked bread.  It takes skill and ability to make bread from scratch.  You can mass produce that fluffy white stuff, but nothing will ever compare so bread made by a real artisan.  Someone who knows about proofing times and gluten development.  Machines and engineers will never be able to simulate an artist producing a work of art for your mouth.

he's dead

Some people are religious like sheep.  They would walk into a mob like that with a couple baskets of food.  No fruit, no drinks, just some bread and stuff and say, "feed yourselves."  They're not bad people, they work hard and all, I would just bring my own sack lunch if I was going to an event planned by them.  That's all.

Well, have a nice evening.  Still working on http://www.monty-python-and-the-holy-grail.com (now defunct)